


the aquarium

by Super_Danvers



Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: Comfort, Daughters, F/F, Graphic Violence, Mentions of Blood, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Violence, alex cavill, cavill women, hard conversations, married melaudrey, melanie cavill - Freeform, melaudrey, mentions of bess till, miss audrey - Freeform, substitute mother, wilford mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27300796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Super_Danvers/pseuds/Super_Danvers
Summary: In the days after Wilford's death, Audrey finds herself in an unlikely conversation.
Relationships: Alexandra Cavill + Melanie Cavill, Alexandra Cavill + Miss Audrey, Miss Audrey/Melanie Cavill
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	the aquarium

**_\- the aquarium -_ **

_“Alexandra.”_

Melanie held onto Audrey’s sleeve as if her life depended on it. Her balance did. She stared through the med-bay door window at the girl perched on the end of one of the beds, hardly believing she was even real. It was hard to accept that she was. It wasn’t her, but it was her. It was Alexandra. Alex. _Allie_. The little girl she’d left behind all those years ago now sat only a few feet in front of her, practically an adult.

Audrey, who’d been silently stood to one side, observed Melanie closely. Her face was pressed so close to the window that her breath was fogging up the glass. Her fingers were still wrapped tightly around Audrey’s sleeve, so tight that her knuckles were almost white. Audrey slid one arm around Melanie and attempted to give her a side hug.

“It’s alright, darling. She’s okay. She’s safe and sound…with us.”

“I need to hold her.”

“You need to be careful.” Audrey quietly reminded, knowing that Melanie wasn’t listening properly. “We don’t know what she’s been through.”

“I just want to talk to her.” Melanie whimpered, her spare hand reaching up to touch the glass of the window. Her eyes wouldn’t leave Alex until Audrey tried to move her back from the window. “Please, Audrey, just let me talk to her.”

“Mel, we don’t know what Wilford did to her –“

Melanie’s head turned faster than lightning. “She’s _my_ daughter. Not his.” She snarled. “ _Never_ his.”

Melanie’s eyes always looked brighter when she was angry. It was as if the flames were in her eyes as well as her blood. Audrey would be frightened of that fire if she didn’t know Melanie so well. So, instead of cowering away, Audrey’s hand reached out to touch Melanie’s shoulder.

“I know that.” She replied calmly. “But we both know she’s been through a lot so she might not be ready for all of this. She needs time, Mel, or we might lose her entirely.”

“I’ve already lost her before.”

“And now, you won’t lose her again.”

Melanie looked back at the door. Alex was still unaware to either woman’s presence, more preoccupied with the loose threads on the end of her sleeve. Her face was emotionless as she picked at the strands. No sadness, no happiness, no fear, not even mild curiosity at the new home she sat in. Her transferral from Big Alice to Snowpiercer hadn’t seemed to have affected her in the slightest. Melanie closed her eyes, and sighed.

“Can’t I just…let her see me? Just for five seconds.” She whispered. Her whole body was pressed up against the door now, willing Alex to look up and see her across the room. The teenager just kept on fiddling with her sleeves. A small, tearful sob escaped Melanie’s throat. “Please, _just_ see me.”

Audrey slipped her hand into Melanie’s and squeezed it, hoping it would be some meagre form of comfort. Melanie didn’t even acknowledge the gesture. She’d forgotten Audrey was even there.

Melanie was in the room before Audrey could even register what she was doing. She let go of Audrey’s hand and pressed her own hand against the door pad to let her in. The door slid shut behind her before Audrey could follow her inside or yank her back out again.

“Melanie, don’t do this.” Audrey tried to keep a calm tone through the door. Melanie wasn’t in the right state of mind for this, and neither was Alex. No matter how relaxed either of them were: it was bound to blow up soon and it would be nuclear fall out when it did. Audrey pressed her hand to the pad, but she had no clearance. “Come on, Mel, let me in. Layton won’t be happy with it. This is dangerous and you know it.”

Melanie only turned away from the window. She didn’t care what Layton wanted. She was more interested in her daughter’s wellbeing. Audrey could only watch hopelessly from the door.

Alex didn’t register Melanie’s presence or if she did, it didn’t bother her enough to look up. The bay around her was empty: the rest of the injured moved far away from Wilford’s personal weapon. That had been Layton’s decision and one Audrey had agreed with. Melanie wasn’t sure if she could forgive Audrey for that: for believing Alex would try and hurt anyone, let alone her family. Her Alex wouldn’t. Her Alex would never.

Melanie’s footfalls were quiet against the linoleum floor. Her heels had been replaced with worker boots a while ago, and her feet were certainly thankful for them. Melanie was glad to be rid of them but she missed that people would hear her coming and be ready for her when she approached. Now, she had to initiate conversation.

“Alex?”

Melanie tried to stoop a little in an attempt to make eye contact or to get Alex to notice her presence, but the teenager didn’t respond. Instead, she just let go of her sleeves and stared straight down at the floor. Melanie took a seat on the bed opposite her.

“Alex?” She tried again. Melanie knew not to touch: Audrey had taught her that much. Whether she believed her own daughter was a weapon or not, she knew not to touch her. Even if she really wanted to. “Alex, honey, it’s me. It’s Mom.”

Alex’s head raised slowly. Even when their eyes finally met, there was still no emotion in Alex’s face. The only thing that could be noticed in it was how different she was.

Her baby face had sharpened with age and her chubby cheeks were now defined and gaunt. Her long brown hair that Melanie used to spend hours brushing was cut short and curly, barely reaching the bottom of her neck now. Even though she was sat down, Melanie could tell she was tall. Almost as tall as her, probably around eye height, maybe less. She was strong too: lean, long and athletic.

Melanie wanted so badly to touch her, to wrap her arms around her and tell her everything was alright and how sorry she was. How sorry she was for leaving her behind, for the days she’d forgotten her, for not finding her soon enough. She’d wanted that for over seven years. Her hand reached out, hovering in the gap between them.

“You don’t have to answer.” She whispered softly. “You don’t have to do anything, okay? I just need you to know you’re safe here. Nobody here is going to hurt you, alright?”

Alex didn’t react. She gazed at the outstretched hand but made no attempt to touch it or even shift her own position. _She’d been sat there for a while_ , Melanie thought, _her back must be killing her._

She retracted her hand, and glanced to the door. Audrey was still stood at the window, watching both of them intently with two Brakemen flagging her sides. Melanie looked back at Alex.

“Audrey’s here, you know. You remember Audrey, right? She was with us before everything happened. We used to go to the aquarium with her when you were…” Melanie paused. She could feel another sob building up but she couldn’t break down in front of Alex. Melanie took a deep breath and counted to five. “-little. You used to be so little.”

Alex seemed to have noticed Melanie’s halt, because she sat up straighter. Her face remained the same, stoic and unwavering. Her back evidently wasn’t bothering her that much. Melanie could barely even hear her breathing through the silence.

“Can I get you anything? We’ve got a room set up for you, if you want it. I’m sure it’s a bit cold and bare to sleep in here so if you want to move, we can do that. Or not, if that’s what you’d prefer. Audrey’s found you some clothes you can wear. They might be a little big, or small, I’m not sure what size you are anymore. I-…. I’ve really missed you, Allie and- “

Alex moved like lightning. One arm lunged forward and landed a solid punch to Melanie’s nose. Her body propelled her to her feet and she used the bed to scramble behind Melanie and hold her in a vice-like grip around her neck. Melanie gasped at the pain as blood started gushing from her nose and Alex’s grip squeezed on her throat. She fell to her knees, and Alex stayed upright behind her, tightening her grip on her mother’s neck. Melanie struggled for air, batting behind her uselessly, but the girl held her like a snake. Squeezing tighter and tighter. Melanie’s kicks and hits did nothing to faze her.

Audrey was practically punching the door down herself. Her shouts of fear were muffled by the door but Melanie couldn’t hear them anyway. The only sound she could hear was the frantic drumming of her heartbeat in her ears. Alex had only been holding her for twenty seconds or so, but her vision was already starting to spin and blur. The fluorescent lights above her had all mashed into one big, white light. It flipped and turned, blinding and flashing her eyes but she couldn’t make sense of anything.

Audrey, still banging her fists against the door, gestured wildly at the two Brakemen.

“Break this door down, now!” She snarled. “We need to get her out of there!”

Audrey wanted nothing more than to be on the other side of the door. Melanie was writhing and struggling under Alex’s grip as if she were being crushed in the coils of a snake. If she struggled much more, she wasn’t going to last very long. Audrey couldn’t take her eyes off Alex.

There was nothing in her eyes: nothing apart from the grunt work of holding Melanie still. She was staring down at her mother with only the patience of waiting for her to fall limp. She looked programmed, in Audrey’s eyes. Trained. No thoughts, no emotions, just doing as she was told. Alex didn’t flinch as Melanie’s hands thrashed and clawed at her arms nor did she grimace when the blood from Melanie’s nose stained her hands red.

The door finally slid open and Audrey was through it like a racehorse out the starting gate. She reached the pair first. She tried to wrench Alex’s hands free but they remained wrapped around Melanie’s neck like iron clamps. Audrey could never hurt Alex the same way she could never hurt Melanie, but she couldn’t let the two destroy each other.

She tried to pull against Alex’s stained hands, getting blood on her own, but nothing budged. Unlike Audrey, the Brakemen had no qualms about using brute force to get Alex to stop. One grabbed the girl from behind to trap her arms whilst the other dug their fingers into her eyes. Alex cried out and let go, letting Melanie drop into Audrey’s arms.

“Mel!”

Melanie had fallen unconscious: her face and clothes covered in blood. Audrey cradled her head in her lap, pushing Melanie’s hair back out of her face. There were already marks around her neck, red and harsh, almost breaking the skin. Her fingernails were red too, bloodied from scratching her daughter’s arms.

A punch socked Alex in the gut. The girl only grunted in pain as the Brakeman behind her pinned her arms tighter against her sides. Audrey looked up as another punch was landed.

“Stop it! You’re hurting her!”

The Brakeman frowned at her, confused. “What should we do with her then?” She questioned.

Audrey scowled. “Leave her alone. Just…for gods sake, let her go. Beating her up isn’t going to help anybody.” She sighed, and waved a dismissive hand. “Take Melanie to Pelton. I’ll stay with her.”

“What if she attacks _you_?”

Audrey glanced at Alex. She was staying still in the Brakeman’s grip, and her eyes remained cast at the floor like they had done ten minutes ago.

“Alex?” She spoke quietly, but with firmness that wasn’t to be argued with. “Are you going to hurt me if I stay with you?”

There was a long pause. The Brakemen exchanged doubtful looks and Audrey kept her eyes on Alex. She’d heard her tone and remembered it, she knew it. Audrey always knew when Alex had heard her: it was the look on her face. Like a kicked puppy. Audrey wanted to see if it was still there.

It was. Barely, but it was. Alex’s head dipped ever so slightly and Audrey spotted the lip wobble. Where Melanie believed Alex wouldn’t hurt her, Audrey knew she wouldn’t lift a finger to her unless ordered to do so. Finally:

“No.”

“Good.” Audrey replied, satisfied. She turned to the Brakemen. “Now, if you two would be so kind –“

They obligated, letting go of Alex and hauling the unconscious Melanie into their arms. Audrey placed a kiss to her temple, silently wishing her a speedy recovery, before watching them go. Once the door had shut behind them, Audrey turned around.

Alex was poking at the scratches on her arms, hissing when one of them stung. Audrey raised an eyebrow.

“Does that hurt?”

Alex’s hands fell to her sides again. “Yeah.”

Audrey took a seat where Melanie had been. Alex stayed standing. “Well, I can’t say you didn’t deserve it.” She peered a little closer at the scratches. “Safe to say she put up a fight, eh?”

“I suppose.”

“She’s tough, your mom.”

“Didn’t used to be.”

Audrey raised an eyebrow. “Hm, I don’t know about that. She’s always been tough, even when you weren’t around to see it. She loves you, you know?”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do.” Audrey gestured to the blood. “That says otherwise.”

“Whatever.” Alex sat down with a scowl. “I was told to do it.”

“By who?” The glare said it all. Audrey nodded her understanding. “I see. Why do you do everything he tells you?”

Alex glared again. She was trying to hold in frustration, sensing Audrey’s ability to therapize everything. She tapped her boot against the floor.

“Because I do.”

“But _why?_ ”

“Because he tells me to.”

Audrey smiled. _Smart girl_ , she thought, _like her mother_. She glanced over Alex. She looked like Melanie. Tired and cunning with a reserved kindness that took years of coaxing to get access to.

“My mother doesn’t care about me.” Alex said. “She loves me, but she doesn’t care about me.”

Audrey’s smile dropped. “What makes you say that?”

“She left me behind.”

“Allie-“

“Don’t call me that.” Alex snapped. “Allie was the girl who got left on a station platform in the women’s bathroom and her mother didn’t bother to check the _fucking_ list to see if she was onboard. Allie’s dead and gone and buried in the snow. She is the girl who lives in that woman’s head, not me. She loves the idea of the daughter she left behind.”

Audrey stayed calm, waiting for the anger to subside. She wondered how close to the surface that anger laid. Was it just beneath Alex’s skin? Or did it bury itself deep in her heart and fill it with hatred? Alex didn’t speak with hatred when she referred to her mother: more like reserved hurt. That was the only way Audrey could describe Alex. Hurt.

“Melanie doesn’t know the first thing about me, and I don’t want her to know. He told me to dispose of her, and I will. She’s nothing to me.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t mean, Audrey.”

“Do you know why I let those guards leave and sat here with you by myself?”

“You should’ve made them stay.” Alex snarled.

“You wouldn’t hurt me unless he told you to.”

“I would.”

Audrey smiled. “No, you wouldn’t. I don’t think you’ve done anything without him telling you to in the past seven years, would I be correct in that?”

She didn’t mean to be cruel, or nasty. Alex was her daughter almost as much as she was Melanie’s, but like Alex said, the person she was before was dead and gone. This one was completely new and needed no coddling to the truth.

Alex’s anger seemed to fade because she inhaled sharply and relaxed her body out.

“He used to let me read comics in-“

“I don’t want to know about what he let you do. Tell me the last time you did something and he didn’t know about it.”

Both of them were well aware how Audrey was making this into one of her therapy sessions, but neither seemed to care anymore. This was Alex’s way of earning a spot on Snowpiercer.

She thought for a few moments, long and hard. Her fingers played with the strands of her sleeves. Her foot was still tapping against the floor. After a while, she answered:

“I steered Big Alice towards Snowpiercer. I first noticed it a couple of years ago: it came up on our radar while we were passing Chicago. At first, I thought it was a blip. It was there one minute and gone the next, not enough time to figure out _what_ it was. I didn’t tell him it was Snowpiercer until I’d found out what it was, where it was, how to get there and communicated with Bennett on how to link the trains. That was two years after I first spotted it. By the time he knew, we were already on your tracks.”

Alex took a breath, and Audrey noticed how she glanced around the room as if Wilford were still watching her. She reached forward and, for the first time in seven years, touched her. Alex stilled at the contact but didn’t lunge or pull away. Audrey offered what she hoped was a comforting smile.

“He’s dead, Alex. He can’t hurt you here. He can’t hurt you ever again.”

Alex gently retreated from Audrey’s hand. Not harshly, or in an offended form, just retreated.

“I still did what he wanted.” She muttered, frowning at the floor. “Even if he didn’t tell me to do it, I still did what he wanted. That’s all he wanted; you know? To destroy Melanie. He used to talk about it endlessly.”

Alex stood and made a grand gesture with her arms. She pretended to pull at an imaginary waistcoat around her hips.

 _“One day, Alexandra, one day we’ll find that icy bitch and reclaim our Engine Eternal. Just you watch! We’ll get her, I promise you and you shall have your revenge. The world will know of Melanie Cavill and her stinking lies and they will have her head, my girl!”_ She shouted, spinning on her heel as if she were some deranged circus master. _“Soon, it’ll just be you and me at the top of the engine. The top of the world!”_

Audrey wasn’t sure whether to laugh or stare in unbelieving horror. If Wilford weren’t dead already, she’d kill him herself. Kill him for everything he’d done. Alex pulled at her waistcoat again, and sat down.

“He used to do that exact speech.”

“Sober?”

Alex shrugged. “Sometimes.”

“Every day.”

“Every _hour_.”

Audrey couldn’t help a smile. Even Alex managed a small one. _She looks so much brighter when she smiles_ , Audrey thought. She let out a long sigh.

“Well, you won’t have to hear it again.”

Alex gave another shrug. “I’ll always remember it. Dead or not.”

“I suppose.” Audrey sighed again. “Perhaps it’s time you start making some memories to get rid of that one. This is your life now, Alex. You don’t have to follow orders, not his anyway. Here, you can actually have a life to yourself.”

Alex pondered it: weighing it up in her mind it seemed. After a moment, a crease formed between her brows.

“Do you think Melanie will forgive me? For what I did to her?” She indicated to her bloodied hands.

“For that? Without a doubt. But, I think you two need time to heal. This isn’t something that’s going to go away in a week and it’s not going to be righted without a few fallouts.”

Alex looked down, doubt crossing her face. Audrey reached across and squeezed both of her knees.

“But you’ll get there, I promise you. I’ll be here for you too, if you need me. We can keep having chats like this, or we can find you something to punch, if that’s what you’d prefer. We’ve got a former Brakeman who’s excellent at punching things, you’ll like her. It’s going to be hard, but we’ll look after you here.”

“You promise?” Alex echoed.

Audrey grinned. “I promise.” She sat up again. “Do you know how we can start?”

“How?”

“We’re going to go and visit your mom. Make sure she’s alright.” Audrey stood and offered a hand. “Coming?”

She saw how Alex looked at the hand as it were the scariest thing in the world, as if it would bite her. It took a moment but finally, she stood and took the hand.

“Alright.”

Audrey was about to take a step when she stopped and her smile broadened. “You know, this reminds me of something.”

Alex glanced down at their clasped hands. "What?"

“The aquarium.”


End file.
